That’s the first axiom in the book Existential Kink which I’ve just started reading based on a rec from Paul Millerd. The basic idea here being - whatever situation you’ve got in life, there’s a part of you, deep down in the caverns of your sticky subconscious, that wants it that way. My mind quickly gets stuck in the logistics of it, the logic of it, which I think the author Carolyn Elliott would say is a trap. That’s the ego wanting to make sense of things, but none of this makes sense. That’s how it works. It operates beyond and outside of the rules of logic and reason where 2+2 = farts. ...

so I just wrote this little piece - having is evidence of wanting. it’s not a full essay, not even close, but it is…something. and that matters. how do i know? because i just a few minutes ago had a random thought pop into my mind about how i could use this idea - having is evidence of wanting - and the book Existential Kink as a whole - as the start of the story I can tell at the February 2026 Moth show that’s coming up. The theme is ‘Love Hurts.’ I don’t yet know what my piece will be about, but now I have a super interesting, alive-feeling start. ...

Just wrote this: Now, at 507am, it’s skyrocketed to 16 degrees. That’s outside though. Inside I bet it’s 40? 45 maybe? Actually I have a meat thermoemter inside let me go check. I love doing that. Like the essay is happening in real time. Because it is. I’m living it and writing it. Feels like sending a text to a friend about something that’s happening RIGHT NOW. And lemme tell you why: It makes the present tense make sense

Vija Celmins, Heater (1964) We’ve got this detached office in the backyard. It’s like a shed that feels like a sauna because of the wood paneling. Is it called paneling? There are so many words that all basically just mean ‘wall’. Recently I learned the outside of a house is called ‘siding’ when Lauren kept talking about what color we’d paint the siding in our new home (soft launch btw: we finally closed on a home). ...

lets see if this works

I just came across this weird fun little mind puzzler: Besides the many things I love about this website, made by coder / hacker / weird guy Nolan Royalty (see the footnote thing he does), I’m also just very drawn to trying to solve this. So before I look for the answer, I’m gonna try to solve it myself. If you wanna try, don’t read below. my answer I think the move is to ask Bob if Alice is lying. He’ll tell you the truth 80% of the time. You can then ask Alice if Bob is lying or not and she’ll tell you the truth 80% of the time. ...

this is me alex!

I keep trying to take shortcuts - that’s one of the main things AI can help with, after all. And one place I keep trying and failing is writing. Like with this essay. I tried by first doing a voice note and having it turn the voice note into an essay and I just…didn’t like it. It didn’t feel like me, even if the prompt I gave was “sound like me.” ...

So I just got off a call with someone interested in learning all the claude code stuff. It was fun and cool and i muttered a lot, laughed too loud, and was generally anxious about sounding smart or making myself look like anything other than an idiot. Healthy stuff! But, and, yet, the one thing i kept saying as an answer to this kind friend’s questions was simply this: just ask claude Not sure how to install something on github? Just ask claude. ...

lets see if this works!