I was reading an essay out loud to myself and blew my own mind with how much I loved one of the pargraphs. This was a new feeling and one I’m trying to get better at noticing, so I went back a few days later and tried to analyze it, to understand why I liked it. Here’s that analysis:
It feels less alive now, which makes me realize: I don’t really want to understand it. I want to just let it live, as it is. Trying to understand this stuff is like trying to understand how music works. Why does it work. I asked Lauren that once and never understood the answer, thank god.
I do not want to know.
Well, some part of me does. The manager part? The boss? The ‘master’ left brain? But what it does not realize is that I already do know. The other part of me does. The ’emissary,’ the right brain, the one that, right on cue, every time, says “2, 3, 4, BAM” so the “BAM” hits at the same exact moment as it does in the song, like i’m some sort of wizard, predicting the future, every time, right on cue!
Sometimes I’ll do that and then think “oh man I could definitely be a musician,” which is both insane and probably true.
Those are the best kinds of thoughts. The ones unpreturbed by reality and its discontents.
I want more of those. Here comes one now, with the beat,
2 3 4 BAM.