I’ve been thinking a lot about it, this idea, forgiveness. That might be all I have on it right now, which raises a meta question for the blog - is that enough to publish?
To which I’d ask myself - what’s the point of the blog? Is it mostly for others? Or mostly for me?
And then I’d of course realize, as I am, that the same question can be asked about forgiveness itself.
Who is forgiveness for?
The common wisdom on this is that it’s not actually for the other person but for yourself. There’s a lot of this in Maryanne Williamson’s stuff about The Course of Miracles. You forgive to relieve yourself of the psychic pain and hold that the wrong doing has on you.
But is that really right? Maybe! It just feels too easy, almost?
Or maybe it’s like plot in stories and answers for questions - you pretend that it matters (forgiving someone else) in order to get the benefits for yourself.
Like how going on a journey toward a destination makes the journey matter.
I’m avoiding the real question though, which is maybe ‘who do I need to forgive?’
I have a few answers. Old bosses. My parents. They wouldn’t like that. We’ve done nothing wrong, you cannot forgive us.
But maybe that’s the point too. Forgiveness is a means of acceptance. Of saying I wanted you to be X Y and Z and of course you weren’t exactly that thing. How could you be. It’d be weird if you were.
(feeling v tired all of a sudden - gonna rest but come back to this because i think there’s a lot there.)