I wrote this at Sept 28 at 4:04am
I don’t know how else to put it. Today, this morning (Sept 28), just now, at 4:04am, I cut my journaling into my little notebook with my little pencil short - I cut it short so I could get on and write into my big computer with my big keyboard the big idea I had about the word blend.
But when I got onto the computer, this vegas strip with its bright lights and flashing distractions all hand crafted and premium made for me truly, exactly as I left it last night, I forgot all about blend.
I checked my email. I checked the all mail. I checked the Stripe transactions to see if anyone had signed up for the workshop. I checked Slack.
I didn’t know I was doing any of this. It was automatic.
I then finally awoke from my stupor at around 4:08am and wrote a half-assed piece on the word blend which I honestly could not even remember the details of - why did I want to write that? Why had that mattered?
Its flame had been nearly extinguished or perhaps was just a nothing flame compared to how big the flames of interest and care were for these things that the computer made me care about.
I am not blaming the computer. Or the internet. I am simply noting the process by which this happens. And how easily and quickly it happens, here in the hour of 4 when the world demands of me and from me literally nothing.
How will things be at 9am. My god I cannot even fathom 9am.
my attention event a little bit from the external world as it will be at, say, 9am est. My god i cannot even fathom what’ll happen at 9am. Maybe i’ll try to return here and write about it.
SO MANY NOTIFICATIONS MY GOD.
I did not return to this until now, to publish it, consumed, digested, and pooped out by the las vegas lights and glam and glitter and glitz and scam. I am briefly now, on an airplane during in-flight bliss, have the time to see this. To remember briefly what I’ll soon forget. It is fun, this remembering, while it lasts. I hope it lasts.